Moammar Emka | Emka Banget » Mak Erot, Mak Irit & Viagra




	6 Jan		Mak Erot, Mak Irit & Viagra Posted By : Emka In : Life & Fun, On Sunday, January 6th, 2008, 12:59 am ADA banyak cerita lucu (kadang-kadang terdengar ‘ngeres’ sih) ketika saya biasa kongkow-kongkow di kafe bersama beberapa ‘anak gaul’ atau clubber-mania yang biasa kelayapan malam di sudut-sudut Jakarta. Setiap kali bertemu, obrolan yang dibahas kalau tidak seputar ‘cewek’, ya satu lagi pastinya dunia esek-esek (baca = seks). Seperti yang terjadi minggu lalu, pada Rabu sore, di Coffee Club, Plaza Senayan. Kebetulan saya baru saja nonton premiere EXTRA LARGE (Antara Aku, Kau & Mak Erot), Senin lalu. Kebetulan juga, gue abis ngebaca ulang buku gue yang berjudul ADE APE DENGAN MAK EROT (?). Karena isu Mak Erot kembali marak diobrolin orang, buku itu jadi gue bawa kemana-mana. Ya, hitung-hitung sebagai salah satu cara promosi-balik ke publik, mumpung filmnya tanggal 6 Februari nanti diputar di bioskop. Syukur-syukur, buku gue kecripatan laku (ngarep ya?…hehehe). Yan dan Dhani yang duduk bersebelahan dengan saya, enak saja langsung nerocos dengan sejumlah pertanyaan. “Emang ade ape dengan Mak Erot?” celetuk Yan. “Mak Erot emang ade ape-apenya. Yang pasti, dia laris sebagai dukun pembesar alat kelamin,” jawab Dhani dengan santai sambil menyeruput segelas bir putih. “Justru itu yang mau gue bahas. Mak Erot ternyata laris manis. Sebagai dukun, dia sukses bersaing dengan pengobatan modern yang serba canggih itu. Yah, minimal dia tak kalah populer dengan VIAGRA lah,” saya ikut urun rembug. Memang tak bisa dipungkiri, keberadaan Mak Erot tak kalah fenomenal dibanding Viagra. Pasien yang datang ke Mak Erot, sebagian besar adalah orang-orang kota. Yang pakai Viagra, juga kebanyakan orang-orang kota. Pantas kalau klinik Mak Erot berterbaran di beberapa sudut kota Jakarta dan sekitarnya. Dan pasien yang datang juga tak pernah sepi. Begitu juga dengan markas Mak Erot di desa Cisolok, sekitar 16 kilometer dari Pelabuhan Ratu, Sukabumi. Buat saya, fenomena Mak Erot dan Viagra menjadi sinyal jelas betapa banyak laki-laki yang mengalami krisis tidak pede dengan kelaminnya. Ukuran kelamin sepertinya menjadi persoalan penting. Kelamin besar menjadi cita-cita sebagian laki-laki yang ingin mendapatkan kepuasan seksual tanpa batas. Kalau tidak begitu, keinginan melakukan hubungan seksual yang kuat dan tahan lama menjadi ‘hasrat’ yang menggebu-gebu dan mesti terkabul. Apakah sebegitu pentingnya ukuran kelamin? Atau apakah sebegitu perlukah berhubungan seks lama-lama hingga kalau perlu bisa kuat di atas ranjang selama berjam-jam baru mencapai orgasme?. Ternyata, bagi sebagian orang, dua-duanya masih dianggap perlu dan penting. Fenomena Mak Erot dan Viagra yang terus mencuat ke permukaan dan tak pernah basi sebagai isu adalah bukti nyata. “Emang bener ya setelah dari Mak Erot bisa langsung gede?” kali ini Yan yang iseng bertanya. “Gue juga nggak yakin sih. Habis, setelah berobat dari sana, gue belum pernah ngukur di tukang jahit. “ Yan dan Dhani hanya bisa terbahak sambil mengumpat sialan. Soal ampuh tidaknya pengobatan ala Mak Erot memang masih jadi tanda tanya besar. Pasalnya, belum ada yang berani bicara blak-blakan ke publik. Paling-paling, hanya di pembicaraan antar pribadi. Boro-boro mau bicara terus terang, ketahuan pernah pergi ke Mak Erot saja sudah ketakutan. Malu katanya dicap sebagai laki-laki dengan kelamin kecil. Begitu juga dengan mereka yang biasa mengkonsumsi Viagra. Mereka lebih suka menjadikannya sebagai perilaku rahasia. Mereka juga takut kalau dicap sebagai laki-laki yang tidak (kurang) jantan. “Ah, gue sih nggak perlu ke Mak Erot atau pake Viagra. Buat gue, yang penting kan ‘how to play’. Gede tapi peltu (nempel metu), rugi bandar dong. Mending kecil tapi lincah dan jago akrobat,” ceplos Yan penuh percaya diri. “Itu kan lo. Orang lain kan belum tentu. Bisa jadi setelah ke Mak Erot timbul sugesti kalau kelaminnya jadi gede. Minimal ada rasa percaya dirinya bertambah. Betul nggak?” sergah saya. “Iya juga sih. Tapi gue lebih suka pake Viarga karena nggak ada efek sampingnya dan tinggal nelen doang,” giliran Dhani yang nerocos. “Lha, emang bener nggak ada efek sampingnya?” tanya Yan. “Ya, iyalah. Yang ada sih cuma EFEK TENGAH doang. Unjuk rasa setiap saat tak kenal lelah,” jawab Dhani sambil tertawa. “Sialan lo. Kalo Mak Erot buat ngegedein. Kalo buat ngecilin mesti kemana dong?” Yan balik bertanya dengan ekspresi pura-pura bego. “Buat nggedein ke Mak Erot. Kalo ngecilin ya ke Mak Irit aja. Beres kan.” Saya sengaja menjawab seenaknya karena dari tadi pembicaraan tak juga beralih ke tema lain. Bahkan makin melebar karena muncul nama-nama lain seperti Mak Orot, Mak Irot dan lain-lain. Dalam film EXTRA LARGE, Monty Tiwa sebagai script-writer malah memasukkan tokoh bernama Mak Siat sebagai salah satu anak cucu keturunan Mak Erot. Ada-ada saja! Ehmm…Viagra pun juga dapat pesaing baru bernama CIALIS yang konon kabarnya lebih aman dan ampuh karena tidak membuat degub jantung berdetak kencang. Alhasil, pembicaraan itu memang tidak pernah tuntas, dan berulang di keesokan harinya. Lagi-lagi Mak Erot, lagi-lagi Viagra. “Ooo…berarti, mobil Avanza gue tinggal bawa aja ke Mak Erot,” celetuk Yan, sekali lagi. “Maksudnya?” seru Dhani. “Ya, siapa tahu bisa jadi CRV model baru,” ceplos Yan sambil tertawa ngakak. “Kenapa nggak sekalin aja bensinnya elu campur Viagra?” usul saya. “Biar apa?” tanya Yan. “Biar nge-gas terus ampe mogok!” Kali ini, saya, Yan dan Dhani ngakak bareng. Ups!!! 573 Responses to “Mak Erot, Mak Irit & Viagra” Mak Erot ….. Selamat Tinggal « Penerbitan Buku, on July 10th, 2008 at 4:21 pm Said: […] juga menjadi inspirasi para penulis untuk mengabadikan namanya dalam buku. Salah satunya adalah Moammar Emka, “penulis mesum” yang terkenal dengan bukunya “Jakarta Undercover”. 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